• Melanie Midegs

The Marriage Proposal - From A Commitment Phobe


I stir awake from my sleep, my mind drifting from one random thought to another. Then suddenly I gasp!... my eyes are now wide open. I remember my dream. He asked me to marry him, and I said...

{the end is coming... just one a tick!]

I love dreaming. In fact when I was a teenager I couldn't wait to go to bed each night as I would often have very lucid, colourful and crazy dreams. I never knew what I was going to get and they would often fuel my creativity.

These days, I don't always dream so often, but I do know when I've had one that I need to take notice of ~ and this one brought up a range of questions I had around my connection with commitment.

Marriage.

Well, I have to say for the first time in my 38 years on earth, I think I am ready. No truly! About a month ago, I don’t know what happened but I woke up, looked in the mirror and announced – I’m ready for a husband.

I was once engaged at the ripe age of 19… we never made it to tying the knot, and in many ways I think it tainted my perception of love, relationships and marriage. (No one is to blame, and we are still friends… I just put it down to being young and not having a clue about what love and marriage was really all about.).

Marriage is a commitment. You are saying to that other Soul in front of you that you really connect with them, you want to support them and you have the intention to be with them for the rest of your life - that is pretty big, and it’s kind of sad that I used to find the thought of it so suffocating. I mean ~ what a beautiful thing...

Travel.

In some ways I wonder if my 'global gypsy' lifestyle has been a reflection or coping mechanism for my inability or desire to commit? (I reckon a few peeps I know might resonate with this..). I remember when I arrived back in Australia, now 25 years old, after doing my two years backpacking in Europe, and all of a sudden having to commit to rental agreements and mobile phone contracts... and a 'real' job. These commitments made me squirm... and I would think - but what if I want to leave again? I was so resentful of being made to feel tied down.

Wealth.

Ouu... this is a sore spot for me, I'll be honest. Only because I know the truth wins every time. My relationship with money has been a 'colourful' one that's for sure.

I think the tone was set some time during my backpacking days when the banks just wanted to keep giving me money. I'd receive letter, after letter, saying 'Hey Mel, we noticed that you're having a lot of fun and living vicariously through travel and eating 2 min noodles... so we thought we'd give you another $3K on your credit card just to help you out. Let's be friends!'.

Ha! Obviously, it didn't really go like that... but that was how the 20 something version of me read it. My relationship with money has been dysfunctional. Well not completely true, it's become much better over the years... we are getting there. Let's just say our commitment to one another is currently in therapy.

Health.

I wish I was thinner, more toned like those gorgeous women that I see online every day. I'm happy with who I am, but I do think these things occasionally. I wish I was so light and agile that I could do back flips across the room... she writes with a plate of tempe buffalo wings by her side. There are times when I have completely committed to working out and eating well... but it totally consumed me. And again - this commitment scares me. I want to look good, and I know that I can... but from past experiences it means strict rules and no fun food! Hmmmm.

Business.

What could require more commitment from you than running your own business? I LOVE my business to pieces. I love my Business Chakra System online course that I've created, I love helping my clients bring their personality into their business & attracting clients, I love content creating... but no one tells you how hard it is when you are a people pleaser.

It still catches me out even today, when I put my client's businesses before my own. there really is a fine juggling act around committing to turning up for your own business every single day, as much as you turn up for your clients.

So many perspectives when it comes to commitment.